Roma 28 sept.
The Manager
Y.M.C.A. Hotel
LONDON
ENGLAND

Dear Signore Direttore!

No-ew I am tella you a story wot I was a-treated at your hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a young christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is not shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed?
So I calla down to receptione and tella: "I wanta shit". They tella me: "Go to toilet". I say:"No, I wanta shit in my bed".
They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, your sonna-wa-bitch". What is sonna-wa-bitch?

I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast.
I gotta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss".
She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say: "No, no I wanta piss on my plate".
She then say to me: "You'd bloody wella not piss on plate, you sonna-wa-bitch".
That is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna- wa-bitch", and why is your
staff replying "go to toilet", is that modern tella? I do not understand, please tella me!

Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress:
"I wanta fock". And she tella me: "Sure, everyone want to fock". I tella her: "No, no, you don't
understand me. I wanta fock on the table". She tella me: "So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass
out of here!!" How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bad manner? So I go to receptione and ask for bill.
I no wanta stay in this hotella no more.
When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on you".
I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna- wa-bitch, I now go back to Italy".
Dirretore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, You sonna- wa-bitch.

Yours sincerely,
Dicci Elgre